If I Were

IF I WERE...

If I were precious

I think to myself

If I were unique

I say to myself

There will be no pain for me

Only gain for me

I’ll tower over the rest

If I were a gem

They would stand and stare

Sparkling leaving them in awe

Only look but don’t touch

If I were a diamond

I’d be cut and black

But not like your hearts

I’d be rare and unseen

Something out of this world

If I were a pearl

I’d be in the depths of the ocean

No man could ever reach

So no one could ever hurt

No evil could ever touch

One day I’d be seen

And millions would vie

If I were a star

I’d be so far

Millions of light years away

All you would do is watch

I would be away from sadness

Glistening gently in your night sky

Sure to never let sorrow come my way

If I were all these things

Deep down inside I’d never be owned

The shine would never wane

A brightness blinding all

Invaluable. Eternal.

Untouchable. Unbreakable

Indestructible.

6th Febraury 1998. 14 years. Feels like yesterday.

If roses grow in heaven

If roses grow in heaven,
Lord please pick a bunch for me,
Place them in my Mother's arms
and tell her they're from me.

Tell her I love her and miss her,
and when she turns to smile,
place a kiss upon her cheek
and hold her for awhile.

Because remembering her is easy,
I do it every day,
but there's an ache within my heart
that will never go away.

ANONYMOUS.

I must down to the seas again, the lonely sea and the sky

I must down to the seas again, the lonely sea and the sky

I must down to the seas again, to the lonely sea and the sky,
And all I ask is a tall ship and a star to steer her by,
And the wheel's kick and the wind's song and the white sail's shaking,
And a grey mist on the sea's face, and a grey dawn breaking.

I must down to the seas again, for the call of the running tide
Is a wild call and a clear call that may not be denied;
And all I ask is a windy day with the white clouds flying,
And the flung spray and the blown spume, and the sea-gulls crying.

I must down to the seas again, to the vagrant gypsy life,
To the gull's way and the whale's way where the wind's like a whetted knife;
And all I ask is a merry yarn from a laughing fellow-rover
And quiet sleep and a sweet dream when the long trick's over.

John Masefield, Poet Laureate (1878 - 1967)

6th February. 14 years. Feels like yesterday.

If roses grow in heaven

If roses grow in heaven,
Lord please pick a bunch for me,
Place them in my Mother's arms
and tell her they're from me.

Tell her I love her and miss her,
and when she turns to smile,
place a kiss upon her cheek
and hold her for awhile.

Because remembering her is easy,
I do it every day,
but there's an ache within my heart
that will never go away.

Anonymous

2012!

2012!!!

Happy New Year people!!

This song sounds like a dreamy journey that 2012 promises to be!

HOPE!!

When I Miss Her

On days when shadows grow close
Moments when I cant reach out
So many times I feel locked in
In the dark and sometimes when its bright
Sometimes its all the time
There are days when I wallow
Pine endlessly, cry incessantly
NO, I'll never move on
And you can't be replaced
I miss you more than words will say

Sometimes emotions are deeper than I can verbalize
Your loss I still haven't come to realize
Maybe you're still around, behind that door?
Standing in the kitchen, singing your favorite songs?
When I was hurt, you came running to me
Its been a while since I saw you
But I believe you're still around
Yet you never come around
I will wait till the day I lay myself down
Maybe someday I'll hear your voice again
Its the one thing I yearn for more than anything in my life
What is this life without you by my side
I miss you, life is now empty, there is no you


I find myself awake at night, alone with my just my thoughts
Do you know I still think of you
That night that won't leave me
Those memories that scar me
Those visions mar my mind
Why do things happen the way they do?
Why are we so helpless, suddenly left with no choices
Must I watch my life fade away?
My heart slip away?
No, its not fair
You must stay
I wish I had a say..


I sat and I prayed
That little boy cried maybe you will come back
But god, they said, had made up his mind
They came and rubbed my shoulders, they stood and watched me cry
In the end they all went home to sleep
Turned their backs on me, but then I never did expect
Secretly I decided to believe you never went away
But then you never answer when I call your name?
Life is so hard, sometimes the pain is so deep
We choose to ignore it and walk on by
Yet sorrow catches up, the more I run, the faster it grips on to me

In my dreams you rarely visit
Where did you go?
One fine day he came and took you away from me
Now I must get by on my own
Living life built on memories
Memories that were never enough to begin with
What do I hold on to?
When I can't even remember too much
I miss you
I will always miss you
Until the day when I meet you again in heaven
Maybe god will apologize
Then we can catch up for the all lost years
The entire lifetime that I spent without you

I miss you
I miss you so much
Words will never be enough..

That sort of night..

Caving in tonight. Its a lonely night here.

Its alright to dive right into sadness sometimes..

Wallowing tonight, maybe you will come around.....

Cry baby, if you must.

We thought he died..but noooo

I just realized how I havent blogged here since 5 months, wow time just flies..flies like a fucker but nevertheless Im really happy today so I thought I should blog about.

Not happy cuz anything happened, just generally very contented...so random

Its like the drama inside me cant handle this and one part of me is already reasoning over this sudden happiness. Its like a court of law inside me headz, MIIII LAAARDDDD YEH KHUSH KYON HAIIII...anyhow im tackling it well..I FEEL like those weird ass judges in 70s bollywood...ODDDERRRR ODDDDERRRRRRRRRRRRR.... SAZAE MAUT to all the drama!!!!! :D

Just wanted to say Hi :)

Will write more soon, i refuse to whine here...and I whine a lot so that is kept seperately for this little 'burn book' ive created wherein i post 'comments' **if anyone got this reference pls let me know..

Anyhow everyone needs to listen to this song called FEELING GOOD by Nina Simone and then proceed to listening to its stellar mix by De Phazz, a total re visitation and recreation and then listen to the one by Muse...also VERY hot and soon to be seen in a very HOT tv commercial ;)

IM FEEEEEEEEELIIINNNN GOOOOOODDDD

Enrich

Hello, im sorry for not blogging enough
But now ive decided that i will
It helps me, its therapy :)

Im noone to preach but i believe that ENRICHING our lives is the only way to find peace and solace...so find new ways to bring something new to your life instead of that typical routine. If you decide something let me know, we can talk about it :) cuz im starting today. Lets do something NEW

:D

Gather Myself

Endless well..but you must find your way
Sometimes it gets so cold it makes you cry
Child, look inside and remind yourself you know the way
Darkness fears the light even when there is no respite in sight
And light is never hidden too long.. so hold on

Fears start slow and then suddenly invade my peace of mind
Soon i'm in this land where i stand alone and no one can save me
I feel like an outsider to this war of mine with no words left to say
I see this boy trying to fight, but not hard enough
Boy, cast these shadows there's a reason your alive
Persevere, you have to survive

Empty is how you feel and suddenly there's no explanation left to give
Gather yourself around your faith, laugh in the face of hate
Remember after rain there's a rainbow we will find :)
For every thorn that made you bleed you will someday heal
Use those wounds to remind you that you endured
Maybe one day we will all sit and smile
This war will soon end

Late at night I feel so alone, i try to find a friend in the silence
But it never responds instead dark thoughts invade my mind
I must fight through this, I mustn't cave in
I wont bow down to fear, i wont surrender
What am i so afraid of? There's nothing you cant face
Stand up.

Push it all away, if it brings you down fight it till it dies
Nothing can dissaude me, nothing will defeat me
No rain, no kind of pain, no man and no fear will get a hold on me
I will believe...I will smile
I will laugh and I will perpetuate
Baby, THIS IS NOT THE END!
I'm gonna make it till the end!

Has anyone heard from him. Omg has he died?

Hello 5 of u

I havnt posted in a while due to:

1. Rain, heavy rain
2. Frequent medication

3. Lack of creativity hence the need to have a word limit of 60 words

4. Discovery of man named TWITTER. He and i, we talk for houuurssss, ofcourse we dont go beyond 60 words and he never replies. But we've found a connection and yes we might be in love. Dont ask about marriage plans yet, will alert reuters when i have to.

5. REPEAT POINT NO. 3. No grave situations happening lately, pretty much same ol same ol..hence going into my older posts is advised in order to get a better idea of whats up.

6. LAZINESS. Blame that beast for everything. If you can find him somewhere, BLUDGEON HIM and let him never return to me!!!!! I SAY NEVAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

7. Back to twitter, he waits for me :)

She.

Little girl inside, broken one too many times
She kept it all inside, painted on a smile
Under a frozen sun she stood to face the pain
She said to herself through this she will gain
At times the darkness would leave her in vain
Then when the knife began to chip she braved herself
Picked up her bags and weathered the storm ahead

Standing strong through a thousand tears
Battling private wars amid a million fears
Making it through the night sometimes with no one in sight
Intermittently knowing somewhere she will find light
Convincing everyone around her there’s a reason behind this thunder and rain
Persevering for one day she will look through all the hurt and pain
Perpetuating through adversity to find a new person inside
Yes! One day the phoenix will surely rise

Starting over is not easy, it’s so dark at times
She knows it very well & made peace with the fact
Everytime she fell. Wiped the dust off her shoulders
Stood up and walked on as if she never stumbled
She won’t wallow in despair; a brighter day hides behind this sorrow
She will look ahead for there will be tomorrow
When her wings will spread, her eyes will sparkle
Standing proud, ready to take to the sky

Always remember
Butterflies are free to fly
You’re a butterfly, go on and fly
Soar up high above, your spirit should never die
Leave the past behind and don’t you ever cry
For you are a butterfly :)

Then when love was mine

Slow whispers from beyond
Your face comes to mind
Memories resurface from a place i left behind
All alone as i lay, in the dark it comes to light
Gave it all up for this endless fight
Vivid pictures we painted once together
Once known, Love is so fair weather
Smiles we abandoned for no reason
Moments stolen like the cruel summer season

Lately Im so caught up in you, can we revisit us again
I visualize your incandescent eyes, hear the slow heavy sighs
Laughter and the late night games, breathless and fervid at the same time
Pressed against each other, drifting away into another time
Float away into an intimate daze, a space only made for you and I
Trembling inside yet wanting to stay, knowing very well i wont go away
Holding on to you so tight, a feeling once so right
Miss you.

You know i need your love and still you hide away
You keep haunting me in my dreams
Do i wander into your mind
Like you creep into mine?
Sometimes i wonder if i ever cross your thoughts
Do you think of me
Do you still care
If you do then know that im still here
Im still here

At the same junction you left me
Im still here
Do you even care?

Blue Daydream

Blue Daydream

The avalanches of memory threatening to fall
Mountains I moved to forget, slowly reappear
From somewhere you come, since i found another world
From nowhere you arrive, since i was so far away
Walking these streets alone, rushing to paradise
Roaming through the shadows of my mind
Slowly falling through empty wind
Blue daydream, is that you?

I thought you wouldn't find your way here
And i will never know why you came back
Blue daydream

Vacation

OPEN LETTER:
Hello my large fanbase of 5 blog followers:
Sorry that i havent blogged since 1903, ive been busy. Dealing with mj dying, hypochondria, work, personal life bullcrap, etc etc. Not feeling so poetic or inspired so decided to take a little hiatus. Pressed by a loyal reader im now BACK.

Whats been up with me?
Ive been watching a lot of movies, revisiting childhood through he-man and odd and publicly embarassing hindi films seen in the early 90s with actors such as mamta kulkarni (*shameful sigh*). Ive been dealing with my issues with hypochondria, till yesterday i was sure i had swine flu (im very serious). Michael Jackson died and i was left with a peice of my childhood suddenly gone. A very influential man who formed many of my childhood memories was no longer in this world and the fact that i didnt know him personally but could feel the loss was baffling for me. Wanted to blog about it, but had so much to say that thoughts just got jumbled up and i decided to not write about it. I did write a song called Moon Boy, which i shall post in the next few days. Other than all this, my personal life has been keeping me quite busy and i have so much to say that thoughts and feelings just lose sense of direction and framing sentences becomes quite a hardship. But i guess im back and if the next few days seem to be an uphill climb as im predicting then ill be here pouring out every single thought. Trying to enjoy this bitchy little rollercoaster called Life or GIANT little pink turd or whatever

Do keep an eye on my blog, TRY, my large fanbase of 5!
Love to all

And try to comment for once!

This is UNDERWATER LOVE

My underwater love
So captivating
My underwater love
So wonderfully liquid
Watch from afar
So inviting
Daily life, so tiring
Yearn to escape

Waves rush in
Mighty gush in
Pull me in
Slowly drowning
My underwater love

When eyes sparkle
Feelings overflow
Heartbeats resonating
Mutually exhilarating
My underwater love

Bubbling, ethereal
Calming and exciting
No ends and no beginnings
Lets find a secret place
Melt me down
Put me in a trance

If I daydream I lose myself
Think of my underwater love
Out of the blue I envision my underwater love
No one knows when I find my way to the deepest part of the ocean
Jump and dive in amid all these sparkling pearls
Rainbow colours soar
My underwater love grasp on tight
I covet, I drift away
Only I know how this feels
Nobody sees me
Nobody will know
Nobody can stop me
I’m with my underwater love
Underwater Love

Is It A Crime?

It may take you by surprise, you may not believe
But I do think of you and I miss you
I can see through all of these years
And forget what you put me through
And I still need you
Despite it all
I still want you
Don’t you want me back?

Tell me is it a crime that I still want you
Is it a crime that I secretly I pine for you?
Longingly crave for you when I see you with him
Don’t you want me back?

You look in his eyes but do they speak like mine?
You hold him tight but does it feel right?
You kiss his lips, do they feel like mine?
You embrace him but does it compare?
You take his love but it’s not like mine

Higher than the heavens above
Deeper than the deepest ocean
In a separate private place
This rage knows no bounds
My desire doesn’t know where to stop
Surely he doesn’t know how
Surely he can’t please you the way I did

Tell me is it a crime that I still need you
Is it a crime that I want you to want me too?
Tell me is it a crime?

The Wind Has Taken You

The wind has taken you
Now you’re free
At peace
All the pain is gone

How did you let life go by?
How could you say goodbye?
So soon, so young to die
Too early to fly
All we can do is cry

The wind has taken you
Now you’re far away
All your worries come to an end
But what about the ones that you left behind?

How did you throw it all away?
How could you give up?
So soon, so young to die
Too early to fly
All we can do is cry

With the wind go all your dreams
Dreams you kept inside
They’re gone with the spirit in your eyes
Just a memory you will remain
Flowing in my mind
Like the wind

The wind has taken you.

Dream Pt. 2

You found your way into my realm
Sparkling through my imagination
You flew into my lair and swept me away
Took me into another dimension
Swirl me around
Paradise felt so good
When you visited me
In my daydream

So enraptured in this trip
You put me in a trance
A daze I can’t explain
High up somewhere we roam
Vividly in the sky
You and I
When you wandered into my mind
In my daydream

I lose control of myself
Come and take me
Diamonds strewn all around
Such ecstatic reverie
Lets find another place in time
When you come inside
In my daydream

Dream Pt. 1

Late at night, when noone's in sight

Lying on my bed, im floating in the sky

You slowly creep into my thoughts

It seems real, so vividly sparkling like a star

Eventually you appear, as we lay

Its a fantasy, its so surreal

You Come into my dreams



Its deeper than reality, higher than the heavens above

Its a private emotion i cant verbalize

Wandering in a placeless place

Floating like a liquid in a timeless space

Somehow from somewhere you appear

I close my eyes and we take flight

In silence you say a thousand words

You come into my dreams



So guarded from going astray

Yet you slowly melt me down

Find me in a secret place

In this purple haze i surrender

Hypnotized by your gaze