A part of me is flooded with thoughts and they're so wild that i cant put them together !!
Another part of me is BLANK , completely clueless!
Currently trying to organize a meeting between all my alter egos towards a common ground
Hence the lack of blog updates... :(
To my wonderful 4 followers...(if you're listening) and 2 fickle fans (hiding bitches) i will be updating shortly...
If you're listening!!! I WILL BE BACK AND IT WILL BE GOOD
IT WILL BE GOOD
Love
V
Showing posts with label Ramble and Rants. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Ramble and Rants. Show all posts
Wednesday, February 18, 2009
Friday, January 30, 2009
Rant
I have the weirdest thumbs on earth, theyre like weird pigeons or orthopaedically challenged reptiles of some sort. Does it ever happen to you that suddenly out of the blue you notice some random thing about yourself and its VERY ODD to you. Thereon you inadvertently begin detesting yourself, it lasts for a couple of minutes, but its strong. Sometimes you start worrying that you might just want to smash your head or dynamically ram into the nearest wall. Sometimes even a random word will sound really weird and you will find yourself saying it 10 times and then suddenly start wondering how idiotic the word really sounds. OK TRY IT, say BLING...say it ten times...feeling like a dimwit?
Told you so.
Another thing, can body suits be banned? or outfits that end up looking like body suits. Can people be politely told not to wear tight grey Lycra pants with tight grey Lycra shirts and ending up looking like beanbags!!! couple that with purple jackets that look like capes..
Is it a BIRD? Is it a plane?? NO, its a hacky sack
I'm being mean.
Reminds self of alarming body weight issue too***
Before Nit-picking others, check yourself***
Prays***
Back to work
Told you so.
Another thing, can body suits be banned? or outfits that end up looking like body suits. Can people be politely told not to wear tight grey Lycra pants with tight grey Lycra shirts and ending up looking like beanbags!!! couple that with purple jackets that look like capes..
Is it a BIRD? Is it a plane?? NO, its a hacky sack
I'm being mean.
Reminds self of alarming body weight issue too***
Before Nit-picking others, check yourself***
Prays***
Back to work
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Ramble O' The Day
The much hyped Louis Vutton ad with Madonna is out in Indian mags. I liked it at first on the net, but now that its right in front of my face i can judge it a bit more clearly. WHAT IS WITH THE WOMAN'S NECK? ITS GONE, WHERE IS THE NECK?? MARC JACOBS ARE U LISTENING?? I REPEAT WHERE IS MADONNA'S NECK?Also her face is now more unreal than a mannequin, plastic surgery thank you!
Its like watching a wax sculpture in action
Shockingly her arms are looking normal..the weird muscle aliens inside her arms aren't protruding out anymore, relief for those not into the extra terrestrial.
LV looks good regardless...even if Madonna is now channeling the corpse look. Really what's left after 2 decades of exhausting every single look. Go on madge...do the departed look... the hard granny, sorry...hard candy look didn't really work, but its cool your allowed to make mistakes. Even if your wrestling with your self...making vaginal references..mixing religion with fornication...displaying sexual confusion and sticking to the same body suit for the last 10 years, its allowed. Your you. You can get away with anything.
Anyway the LV ad is very vintage and i openly love it..
***sticks it onto office desk board
P:S - bitch has too much flexibility for a 52 yr old...its frightening...comes to mind her terror inducing back-walking a staircase sequence in the Hung Up video (refer: youtube)
As much a
s i love her, i cant handle watching a 52 yr old lady pulling an exorcism/Emily Rose moment on us..Freaaaaky!Also the melting face look is beginning to scare children away from you..that's not nice
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
Why Even That? (Rant Pt.2)
Youth magnet/coffee lounge Mocha has come to Gurgaon, exciting for many...i joined in the excitement despite never bothering to go the GK one, back when it started i was way too scandalized by the whole gaddis on the floor with bead curtains things thing, i was taken over by a 'we cant decide whether we're boho chic or whether we're ethnic or whether we're just fucking take you for a ride' moment. A cool brothel-esque coffee bar inspired by Morocco yet can do Paris and NY too was intriguing at first, later i realized i felt shady for some reason, like a 'i shouldn't tell didi i went to mocha feeling'. Also It was too much at once for me, i couldn't deal with the high levels of puberty and hormonal hysteria bunched up in one dingy basement, trust such coffee joints to just attract 15-19 yr olds. Also it was bloody expensive, i was 19 and the thought of 150 bucks for coffee was appalling, really shocking. And then the bratty company i came in with suddenly began ordering as if we were at a fast food joint, i had to keep up with the whole image thing (at 19, its life or death) so i ordered a vanilla shake (i still remember). Fucking bitch shake was half my frigging pocket money, damn the spoilt pigs i came in with. I was surrounded by a crowd essentially of spoilt brats anyway so i watched while everyone had elaborate shakes and pastas, what coffee shop is this? its a lieee!! we the youth have been fooled, we will sell our souls for a sofa and rock music! I felt older and wiser than my years watching the youth brigade so easily sold over by such marketing ploys. The waiters with their genie hats and the disgustingly erotic bead curtains added to the ambience and it was sickeningly enamouring for the target audience. Suddenly the waiter man walks in with a hookah on a tray, WHAATTTT, a hookah on a tray??? and why is Shruti overdoing it? she is suddenly craving for attention, she wants us to believe that she owns the concept of hookah and we lesser mortals have not seen the coolness of hookahs yet, Shruti the messiah will show us, guide us to attain cool through hookah, we beg. She was obviously trying to impress a guy who came with us. Iam amazed how i remember such details but the coffee lounge goes beyond just a lounge where you get coffee, it these moments that remain with you, unfortunately. Then the entire group began sucking on the hookah and each one with this irritating nonchalance like 'back at my sainik farms villa we smoke hookahs all the time, with mom and dad, dewd'. I call it the 'Im a rich Delhi fuck' syndrome, most of us suffer from it in varying proportions. I wish i could have videotaped watching this group of 10 hogging the hookahs and then forcing out conversation while trying to name unheard rock bands just to outdo the opponent. Ugh, how did i sit around wanting a piece of this pompousness, so eagerly trying to snatch a moment of the 'he's the funky one among us' moment. I remember leaving Mocha with a promise to not go back for a long long time. Not until it opened its weird door in Gurgaon and i turned 24 of course.
Obviously now my perspectives have changed, I'm older, wiser (swear it, Iam!) and Mocha to me meant a place where we will unwind, relax and converse while having something refreshing. Aim being to leave the world behind, what best then to enter a mash of Morocco and everything else that can fit into a 3 storeyed building next to a village with killer poultry and the common rogue or two. Anyway we overlooked that and we went in cuz now it doesn't matter really, we're not pompous, we're here for the moment. Enter in and it seems the youth brigade i left behind is now taken over by a more eager and wilful community, a little too eager. HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO ENJOY THIS COFFEE if Iam worrying about this girl coming down the stairs, barely 17 having no control over her barely there skirt. Where was her mother when she left for the coffee shop...why is she dressed like such a tart. It reminded me of when i was probably surrounded by my own friends doing such attention grabbing crap, how well we outgrew that phase. I wished this girl outgrows this phase as well, also i prayed that her skirt would grow at that very moment too, she foolishly doesn't realize that we're in Gurgaon and your in the middle of a village, not really meeting safety standards by wearing that frill now are you? Anyway whats worse is that she was surrounded by a bunch of idiots for 17 yr olds with their jeans out of their control in cars that daddy got them on their 15th. Suddenly i wanted to summon the entire 15-17's in one room and brainwash them into regaining normalcy, why am i so bothered? you must wonder..its because i went through the same thing and its zilch, it ends up into NOTHING. Anyway knowing its none of my business and its their own journeys and their problem really, i decided to not care. Only to once again be reminded of how old i felt surrounded by such high levels of reeking puberty. With their entrances, their conversations and their laugh, all so absurd!!! This one little fool walked in with this major air to him followed by two chamchas of his, one starry eyed girl was seen whispering into another girl's ear and suddenly it broke into a zoo scene, just the exchanges of hello/hi were so elaborately staged. Why is pretention so important to the brigade? Why are these sweet boys and girls so insistent on staging every single aspect of their movement and interaction. OK why am i getting so worked up over a stage of life that I've left behind but its just that i feel for these people. These girls and boys seem so stupid to me. Wow I've been going on forever...let me save more for Rant Pt.3 WHICH WILL DISCUSS THE NEED FOR VOYEURISM AMONG THE YOUTH... (I'm 24..but i think my youth is now more like coerced routine)
Anyway MOTTO of the story is...GIRLS PLS REALIZE that wasting your time in a skimpy skirt meant for britney's new video and sitting on a bean bag..legs spread IS NO WAY TO SPEND YOUR LIFE even if its 'the college days'. I have nothing to say to the guys..they seem to be the most delusional of the lot, stuck in 'do u know who my dad is' mode. And to think that apparently 'rang de basanti' has changed the face of Indian youth, atleast it seems so with their overt support for such themes and such films. WOW I WENT FROM MOCHA REVIEW TO A WASTED YOUTH analysis
OK THAT'S ENOUGH FOR NOW..
Obviously now my perspectives have changed, I'm older, wiser (swear it, Iam!) and Mocha to me meant a place where we will unwind, relax and converse while having something refreshing. Aim being to leave the world behind, what best then to enter a mash of Morocco and everything else that can fit into a 3 storeyed building next to a village with killer poultry and the common rogue or two. Anyway we overlooked that and we went in cuz now it doesn't matter really, we're not pompous, we're here for the moment. Enter in and it seems the youth brigade i left behind is now taken over by a more eager and wilful community, a little too eager. HOW THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO ENJOY THIS COFFEE if Iam worrying about this girl coming down the stairs, barely 17 having no control over her barely there skirt. Where was her mother when she left for the coffee shop...why is she dressed like such a tart. It reminded me of when i was probably surrounded by my own friends doing such attention grabbing crap, how well we outgrew that phase. I wished this girl outgrows this phase as well, also i prayed that her skirt would grow at that very moment too, she foolishly doesn't realize that we're in Gurgaon and your in the middle of a village, not really meeting safety standards by wearing that frill now are you? Anyway whats worse is that she was surrounded by a bunch of idiots for 17 yr olds with their jeans out of their control in cars that daddy got them on their 15th. Suddenly i wanted to summon the entire 15-17's in one room and brainwash them into regaining normalcy, why am i so bothered? you must wonder..its because i went through the same thing and its zilch, it ends up into NOTHING. Anyway knowing its none of my business and its their own journeys and their problem really, i decided to not care. Only to once again be reminded of how old i felt surrounded by such high levels of reeking puberty. With their entrances, their conversations and their laugh, all so absurd!!! This one little fool walked in with this major air to him followed by two chamchas of his, one starry eyed girl was seen whispering into another girl's ear and suddenly it broke into a zoo scene, just the exchanges of hello/hi were so elaborately staged. Why is pretention so important to the brigade? Why are these sweet boys and girls so insistent on staging every single aspect of their movement and interaction. OK why am i getting so worked up over a stage of life that I've left behind but its just that i feel for these people. These girls and boys seem so stupid to me. Wow I've been going on forever...let me save more for Rant Pt.3 WHICH WILL DISCUSS THE NEED FOR VOYEURISM AMONG THE YOUTH... (I'm 24..but i think my youth is now more like coerced routine)
Anyway MOTTO of the story is...GIRLS PLS REALIZE that wasting your time in a skimpy skirt meant for britney's new video and sitting on a bean bag..legs spread IS NO WAY TO SPEND YOUR LIFE even if its 'the college days'. I have nothing to say to the guys..they seem to be the most delusional of the lot, stuck in 'do u know who my dad is' mode. And to think that apparently 'rang de basanti' has changed the face of Indian youth, atleast it seems so with their overt support for such themes and such films. WOW I WENT FROM MOCHA REVIEW TO A WASTED YOUTH analysis
OK THAT'S ENOUGH FOR NOW..
Friday, January 23, 2009
Ramble Pt 1
Sat - Jan 17th.
It's allowed if your having 'chai' or eating lunch and its suddenly illegal to converse with you, sometimes i might even be accused of tresspassing if i stand beside the guy in subject when an unusual amount of food is being consumed in an unusually slow manner. Further to my annoyance...DO NOT pop out that 'hanky' and start wildly wiping your face just when iam trying to explain what exactly is wrong with my phone line! Also 90% of the time your wiping nothing of your face and 90% of the time you will take 20 mins to do it. And i will just stand there like a fool, feeling like a dunce (tom and jerry dunce hat in place) when i watch you engage in profuse face wipery for no reason really. After this tomfoolery i will be met with patronizing and pretentious bouts of attentive oggling and sudden nods to yourself. And then obviously im not allowed to yell cuz i would be considered inhuman, rude and socially immoral...how unfair!
Im getting a board outside my house
'HANKIES ARE NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH LUNCH, CHAI OR EVEN WEAPONRY, DO NOT USE TO AVOID INTERACTION OR DELAY TRANSACTION, BITCH"
It's allowed if your having 'chai' or eating lunch and its suddenly illegal to converse with you, sometimes i might even be accused of tresspassing if i stand beside the guy in subject when an unusual amount of food is being consumed in an unusually slow manner. Further to my annoyance...DO NOT pop out that 'hanky' and start wildly wiping your face just when iam trying to explain what exactly is wrong with my phone line! Also 90% of the time your wiping nothing of your face and 90% of the time you will take 20 mins to do it. And i will just stand there like a fool, feeling like a dunce (tom and jerry dunce hat in place) when i watch you engage in profuse face wipery for no reason really. After this tomfoolery i will be met with patronizing and pretentious bouts of attentive oggling and sudden nods to yourself. And then obviously im not allowed to yell cuz i would be considered inhuman, rude and socially immoral...how unfair!
Im getting a board outside my house
'HANKIES ARE NOT TO BE CONFUSED WITH LUNCH, CHAI OR EVEN WEAPONRY, DO NOT USE TO AVOID INTERACTION OR DELAY TRANSACTION, BITCH"
Thursday, January 22, 2009
Rant. Pt 1
My friend 'L' has just discussed with me a subject she considers a major predicament...its horrid when you get spoken to rudely but even worse when its by someone good looking. How ludicrous is she????? But then again i remember how i once cried at such a situation.
It got me thinking about how much leeway we can give to someone before we can ask them to get the hell out. My boundaries change every week, i wish i was decisive. Last week i was completely against hippies for some reason and now suddenly i feel the only person who will ever truly get me will be a hippie. Common minds you see, then to remember how i felt id be best suited for a hi fi penthouse dinner party with guests like andre leon talley and karl lagerfeld. Oprah can come too if she likes, but we dont do weight talk, thats jus for our personal health consultants. However currently i can just imagine myself with 3 obese cats in a dingy apartment with a dead phone line and a tv stuck on aaj tak. Anyway back to L and I and our weird arguments:
We bounced around about how looks are a momentary fad and ultimately it goes down to how well you hold your conversations and how aware you are of your surroundings. Boundary lines need to be drawn on how low your jeans can hang and how far this psuedo 'im a rapper' thing can go. Also the new wave is of nonchalance, 'we're so cool we're unaware of the fact that we're rappers', does L allow them in her life?
Who do you decide is interesting company and what charges you up? (believe me we've met guys who've proclaimed theyre Krishna reincarnates and one even swore we are in hastinapur, we were at TGIF's). I also once interacted with a man in Pushkar who vehemently tried to convince me that its 1882 and everyone's fooling us about this 'whole millenium thing', he was baffled when i informed him that its 2007. Obviously he chose to not believe me, which was comforting, strangely. I wondered if i could just ask him if he had place where i can seek refuge, id rather be with someone in a time warp and a mental disorder, id like 1882 over 2008 thank you much. Then the next minute I think Salman Rushdie is missing out on how witty iam and that im fine with 2009. I wish i could decide who gets the best of me - Arundhati Roy? Lovely Happy Hippie at Pushkar? Dementia stricken Hastinapur imagining person? WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?
Right now im somewhere in the middle and L wants to continue discussing how VS doesnt love her enough and that gets me thinking about WHAT IS ENOUGH? he called her pretty last month and she very tragically i must say found that to be the epic moment of the new year. Its a bit sad dont you think? how can you let someone decide the future of your year, its not 1906 and we're not in China. But then again V once told me that my wondersome leg muscles will send Ian Thorpe back to the gym had me beaming for years. Obviously noone saw me embarass myself when i displayed my bare leg at a family dinner infront of 25 people, i will not forget such moments in my life when my mind went AWOL!
Tragically those legs now battle heavy obesity and climbing stairs is like spinal surgery without anaesthesia. Forget displaying them at a family do, max you'll see me on teleshopping network for some fat burning machine wherein im the 'before' and how im just not getting married and have serious confidence issues. This gives me an idea to shoot a video beforehand, just incase the teleshopping people require it someday. I wonder who the 'after' will be, i hope he doesnt embarass my future by saying something like
'ab collaij ki saari ladkiyan mere pe fida hain and mummy deddy ne toh meri shaadi bhi pakki kar dee'
Im nervous about this.
Anyhow L, oddball and most of my friends are aware of my on and off self loathe, a few think its justified. Its one thing to make fun of yourself but its another ball game when someone else does, i told her about all these ideas last night and she shockingly agreed that I'm an indecesive swine!!!. As a friend it is your duty to tell me 'No, Varun, you are not a cow, she didnt mean what she said'. "No varun, he didnt mean to assume ud have 3 big macs" id like to hear that the next time the mcdonalds guy assumes im eating for 3. How harsh!
Anyway back to finding the right fits for me. L actually believes that the hippie will leave me and run off one fine morning, Andre Leon Talley will not show up for dinner and Karl Lagerfeld will not even understand how to pronounce my name let alone attend my fancy luncheon party. Also Salman Rushdie might just attend my exclusive sunday brunch since he is as pretentious as iam. And then we can discuss the gulf war and in the same breath he can list his favorite sports illustrated babes. Ummm...i like my obese cats and lard blessed goldie hawn situation better ala death becomes her ....CANT DECIIIDEEE
L has finally concluded that its best i assume we're in hastinapur and that iam a reincarnate of the man with a pig face who could fly. We're still googling who this character is.
L, are you sure its Mahabharat? or did we see some atrocious hindi cartoon on cartoon network.
Regardless your in trouble. Oddball, your probably as usual cleverly coming up with insult ammunition that you will fire at me with evil glee. Dont worry i have sunday and monday this week to come up with retorts!! ITS WAR!
EDIT - im reading this aloud on the phone to oddball
she jus went 'THIS IS HOW THE GAS GETS WASTED'
i dont know who this was meant for.
It got me thinking about how much leeway we can give to someone before we can ask them to get the hell out. My boundaries change every week, i wish i was decisive. Last week i was completely against hippies for some reason and now suddenly i feel the only person who will ever truly get me will be a hippie. Common minds you see, then to remember how i felt id be best suited for a hi fi penthouse dinner party with guests like andre leon talley and karl lagerfeld. Oprah can come too if she likes, but we dont do weight talk, thats jus for our personal health consultants. However currently i can just imagine myself with 3 obese cats in a dingy apartment with a dead phone line and a tv stuck on aaj tak. Anyway back to L and I and our weird arguments:
We bounced around about how looks are a momentary fad and ultimately it goes down to how well you hold your conversations and how aware you are of your surroundings. Boundary lines need to be drawn on how low your jeans can hang and how far this psuedo 'im a rapper' thing can go. Also the new wave is of nonchalance, 'we're so cool we're unaware of the fact that we're rappers', does L allow them in her life?
Who do you decide is interesting company and what charges you up? (believe me we've met guys who've proclaimed theyre Krishna reincarnates and one even swore we are in hastinapur, we were at TGIF's). I also once interacted with a man in Pushkar who vehemently tried to convince me that its 1882 and everyone's fooling us about this 'whole millenium thing', he was baffled when i informed him that its 2007. Obviously he chose to not believe me, which was comforting, strangely. I wondered if i could just ask him if he had place where i can seek refuge, id rather be with someone in a time warp and a mental disorder, id like 1882 over 2008 thank you much. Then the next minute I think Salman Rushdie is missing out on how witty iam and that im fine with 2009. I wish i could decide who gets the best of me - Arundhati Roy? Lovely Happy Hippie at Pushkar? Dementia stricken Hastinapur imagining person? WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO?
Right now im somewhere in the middle and L wants to continue discussing how VS doesnt love her enough and that gets me thinking about WHAT IS ENOUGH? he called her pretty last month and she very tragically i must say found that to be the epic moment of the new year. Its a bit sad dont you think? how can you let someone decide the future of your year, its not 1906 and we're not in China. But then again V once told me that my wondersome leg muscles will send Ian Thorpe back to the gym had me beaming for years. Obviously noone saw me embarass myself when i displayed my bare leg at a family dinner infront of 25 people, i will not forget such moments in my life when my mind went AWOL!
Tragically those legs now battle heavy obesity and climbing stairs is like spinal surgery without anaesthesia. Forget displaying them at a family do, max you'll see me on teleshopping network for some fat burning machine wherein im the 'before' and how im just not getting married and have serious confidence issues. This gives me an idea to shoot a video beforehand, just incase the teleshopping people require it someday. I wonder who the 'after' will be, i hope he doesnt embarass my future by saying something like
'ab collaij ki saari ladkiyan mere pe fida hain and mummy deddy ne toh meri shaadi bhi pakki kar dee'
Im nervous about this.
Anyhow L, oddball and most of my friends are aware of my on and off self loathe, a few think its justified. Its one thing to make fun of yourself but its another ball game when someone else does, i told her about all these ideas last night and she shockingly agreed that I'm an indecesive swine!!!. As a friend it is your duty to tell me 'No, Varun, you are not a cow, she didnt mean what she said'. "No varun, he didnt mean to assume ud have 3 big macs" id like to hear that the next time the mcdonalds guy assumes im eating for 3. How harsh!
Anyway back to finding the right fits for me. L actually believes that the hippie will leave me and run off one fine morning, Andre Leon Talley will not show up for dinner and Karl Lagerfeld will not even understand how to pronounce my name let alone attend my fancy luncheon party. Also Salman Rushdie might just attend my exclusive sunday brunch since he is as pretentious as iam. And then we can discuss the gulf war and in the same breath he can list his favorite sports illustrated babes. Ummm...i like my obese cats and lard blessed goldie hawn situation better ala death becomes her ....CANT DECIIIDEEE
L has finally concluded that its best i assume we're in hastinapur and that iam a reincarnate of the man with a pig face who could fly. We're still googling who this character is.
L, are you sure its Mahabharat? or did we see some atrocious hindi cartoon on cartoon network.
Regardless your in trouble. Oddball, your probably as usual cleverly coming up with insult ammunition that you will fire at me with evil glee. Dont worry i have sunday and monday this week to come up with retorts!! ITS WAR!
EDIT - im reading this aloud on the phone to oddball
she jus went 'THIS IS HOW THE GAS GETS WASTED'
i dont know who this was meant for.
Tuesday, January 13, 2009
Wednesday, January 7, 2009
Reccuring Dreams - PART 1
1. I give exams every 3 weeks in my dreams, frankly i'm frustrated now, i should be a scholar and an over achiever, i have 6 mba degrees under my belt it seems. Subconsciously i even feel the tension and the hysteria of exam time. I watch people around me and i see how these set of exams are a final make or break for me. The last one i struggle to remember was when i was told i'd be banished from the city, thrown out of my house and disgraced in society. Cruel dreams!
What gives?
2. V - You are the uninvited guest of the year, you relentlessly come in to my dreams every few days and everytime we make up in the most uncanny way, bollywood beware!
Its a total masala fest..yash chopra and sooraj barjatya and the likes will lose their jobs if i describe the detail of how epic and romantic yet crap-tastic these dreams can be. I will be the next big thing. These are scripts waiting to happen, i can watch an entire generati0n of idiots (me included) falling for this crap. The last one i somehow clearly remember was a climax situation in a petrol pump. No Alps this time people, this is reality, we make up at petrol pumps..at haldirams...at bus stops..at birthday parties of children we dont know from adam. Its obscure, but then again thats the USP of how my dreams function. The most random by far was a picnic we went for. We went with strangers for this picnic, how apt of us, and we were perfectly happy around them. We were weirdly pally with them, to up the drama ante...i remembering running frantically away from love and love finally found me...at an obscure picnic at qutab minar...or was it india gate? I dont want to delve too much but i think i was rescued in a very tarzan-esque kind of a way. I'm embarassed to even remember.
3. How many times will my sister slap me in my dreams? How many times will she randomly appear out of nowhere and ruin perfectly good moments with a slap. I get slapped on a weekly basis. Sometimes my masi joins in as well. For reasons unknown to me I get thrashed weekly. Sometimes on alternate days too!
4. Food. This is a cruel one, i dream of the most delicious food available to me. I see my fridge fully equipped with all the glutton in the world. Chocolates, cakes, ice creams, pastas, biryani...u name it, its there. Somehow (believe me on this) i NEVER get to eat them, EVER. Subconsciously ive told myself that i know im gonna be waking up soon and i should eat some of it before it magically chooses to disappear. Subconsciouslly ive even told myself that its really happening and not to worry, when i wake up all the food will still be there in the fridge. Somehow both situations have been dampeners...ive dreamt of getting a morsel to eat and woken up to find an empty fridge that even an anorexic would get depressed to see. Is this because my sister hides everything in a fridge upstairs. Is this an unresolved issue, do i need to see a shrink for this one? According to a close friend the therapist is just going to be like 'sweety, with the size of you it doesnt look like there's much starving going on in your life'. Sadly this particular dream will remain a mystery as well.
5. This is the famous 'where did my clothes go??' in the middle of public places. Imagine..movie halls, exam centres, malls, childhood children's park, etc. This one needs no detail...it happens to everyone. I, however, deal with this every 3 days on an average. Believe me its not easy dealing with this especially when you know your no john abraham. Thank you very much.
6. False bravado and fantasy beyond fantasy! thats a unique quality my dreams possess. I jump from buildings with ease, i save lives and while jumping from one flyover to the other i make enough time to help the 94 yr old lady cross the road at mahipalpur. The last one i remember was me on a flying autorickshaw, proudly going above all of Delhi's mad traffic. I reached home and like other normal folk haggled with the auto guy...'pachaas rupiya yahan tak ke?, jayaz paise maang'. Its sweet and super heroic all at once. Rakesh Roshan are you reading this, i have Krrish part 4 for you.
7. My MASI. She has a main role in my dreams. She unlike V isnt a recurring character. She is a main character. Much like her punjabi self she resorts to very creative punjabi insults in my dreams. Unlike reality, she takes it up a notch in my dreams. Amost every 2 days I'm insulted on how 'pregnant' I appear to her, being a fat boy isnt easy you see. The most outrageous was when she asked me how many months i was due on a microphone at a DON BOSCO fest. Thats the school i was in till eight grade, god only knows what the hell i was doing there at 24. God might even want to answer why my masi took the stage in the first place and why the hell was I the subject once again. And what kind of a twisted Christmas fete is this?
In reality this appaulingly rude question has been asked to me as a cutesy little joke on her part. She hasnt realized that this has scarred me forever and is now a part of my dreams wherein every few days she finds unique ways to ask me 'how many months??'
8. Adventure
I dont have enough in my real life so adventure finds expression in my dreams. Ever heard of para-sailing in Nathupur? I have seen it with my eyes. I have done it, i dont know which ocean decided to change its course and flow right outside national media centre, but ive gone para sailing and enjoyed it too. Ive hunted down criminals and sorted mafia conspiracies. Ive had lunch with Janet jackson and then trapezed from one high rise to the other to meet Shibani for coffee. Once to meet Poorna i flew on a friend's back...this friend i cannot name as she will be offended to know that she was part flying animal and part human. Adventure finds new meaning in my dreams, I'm considering giving Jr. Tolkein a run for his money. I lived under the sea in one particular odd dream. Take that!!!
TO BE CONTINUED!
What gives?
2. V - You are the uninvited guest of the year, you relentlessly come in to my dreams every few days and everytime we make up in the most uncanny way, bollywood beware!
Its a total masala fest..yash chopra and sooraj barjatya and the likes will lose their jobs if i describe the detail of how epic and romantic yet crap-tastic these dreams can be. I will be the next big thing. These are scripts waiting to happen, i can watch an entire generati0n of idiots (me included) falling for this crap. The last one i somehow clearly remember was a climax situation in a petrol pump. No Alps this time people, this is reality, we make up at petrol pumps..at haldirams...at bus stops..at birthday parties of children we dont know from adam. Its obscure, but then again thats the USP of how my dreams function. The most random by far was a picnic we went for. We went with strangers for this picnic, how apt of us, and we were perfectly happy around them. We were weirdly pally with them, to up the drama ante...i remembering running frantically away from love and love finally found me...at an obscure picnic at qutab minar...or was it india gate? I dont want to delve too much but i think i was rescued in a very tarzan-esque kind of a way. I'm embarassed to even remember.
3. How many times will my sister slap me in my dreams? How many times will she randomly appear out of nowhere and ruin perfectly good moments with a slap. I get slapped on a weekly basis. Sometimes my masi joins in as well. For reasons unknown to me I get thrashed weekly. Sometimes on alternate days too!
4. Food. This is a cruel one, i dream of the most delicious food available to me. I see my fridge fully equipped with all the glutton in the world. Chocolates, cakes, ice creams, pastas, biryani...u name it, its there. Somehow (believe me on this) i NEVER get to eat them, EVER. Subconsciously ive told myself that i know im gonna be waking up soon and i should eat some of it before it magically chooses to disappear. Subconsciouslly ive even told myself that its really happening and not to worry, when i wake up all the food will still be there in the fridge. Somehow both situations have been dampeners...ive dreamt of getting a morsel to eat and woken up to find an empty fridge that even an anorexic would get depressed to see. Is this because my sister hides everything in a fridge upstairs. Is this an unresolved issue, do i need to see a shrink for this one? According to a close friend the therapist is just going to be like 'sweety, with the size of you it doesnt look like there's much starving going on in your life'. Sadly this particular dream will remain a mystery as well.
5. This is the famous 'where did my clothes go??' in the middle of public places. Imagine..movie halls, exam centres, malls, childhood children's park, etc. This one needs no detail...it happens to everyone. I, however, deal with this every 3 days on an average. Believe me its not easy dealing with this especially when you know your no john abraham. Thank you very much.
6. False bravado and fantasy beyond fantasy! thats a unique quality my dreams possess. I jump from buildings with ease, i save lives and while jumping from one flyover to the other i make enough time to help the 94 yr old lady cross the road at mahipalpur. The last one i remember was me on a flying autorickshaw, proudly going above all of Delhi's mad traffic. I reached home and like other normal folk haggled with the auto guy...'pachaas rupiya yahan tak ke?, jayaz paise maang'. Its sweet and super heroic all at once. Rakesh Roshan are you reading this, i have Krrish part 4 for you.
7. My MASI. She has a main role in my dreams. She unlike V isnt a recurring character. She is a main character. Much like her punjabi self she resorts to very creative punjabi insults in my dreams. Unlike reality, she takes it up a notch in my dreams. Amost every 2 days I'm insulted on how 'pregnant' I appear to her, being a fat boy isnt easy you see. The most outrageous was when she asked me how many months i was due on a microphone at a DON BOSCO fest. Thats the school i was in till eight grade, god only knows what the hell i was doing there at 24. God might even want to answer why my masi took the stage in the first place and why the hell was I the subject once again. And what kind of a twisted Christmas fete is this?
In reality this appaulingly rude question has been asked to me as a cutesy little joke on her part. She hasnt realized that this has scarred me forever and is now a part of my dreams wherein every few days she finds unique ways to ask me 'how many months??'
8. Adventure
I dont have enough in my real life so adventure finds expression in my dreams. Ever heard of para-sailing in Nathupur? I have seen it with my eyes. I have done it, i dont know which ocean decided to change its course and flow right outside national media centre, but ive gone para sailing and enjoyed it too. Ive hunted down criminals and sorted mafia conspiracies. Ive had lunch with Janet jackson and then trapezed from one high rise to the other to meet Shibani for coffee. Once to meet Poorna i flew on a friend's back...this friend i cannot name as she will be offended to know that she was part flying animal and part human. Adventure finds new meaning in my dreams, I'm considering giving Jr. Tolkein a run for his money. I lived under the sea in one particular odd dream. Take that!!!
TO BE CONTINUED!
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