Swept Under, Swept Away, Still Floating

**heavily inspired by the music currently playing in my room, feelings could be different tomorrow**

Why is it that we spend so much time yearning for a particular moment or feeling and then when it happens it just never feels the way you thought it would? Must we stop expecting since things never take the turn you wish. It could be a different shape or form of what you longed for and momentarily you feel blessed and grateful and then soon enough you feel as though you didn't get what you bargained for. Maybe one is being very unrealistic by expecting the world in the first place but then again where do you set the right benchmark for a particular degree of EXPECTATION since none of us can foresee the future. Its such a drowning feeling to sit by yourself and feel that you should be glad things happened finally yet you want it go back to what it was. So what if you don't want what you got and want more and still crave for something bigger, it doesn't matter you must take what you get. Lest it should burn the risk of getting another chance. So much changes by the second, so many thoughts race through your mind. Truths break, faith shakes, life changes. Its so baffling to me, I could have spent 3 years wishing on a star and then one fine moment be handed a broken wish. Should we even take ourselves seriously? One second i have a resolution i stand up for and the next second i see myself breaking it like it never even crossed my mind in the first place. Although this isn't possible, taking yourself seriously is something you just do. Its a part of you. Life cant be taken lightly, little earthquakes every now and then remind us that life is to be taken seriously. Many times we just pretend we're a certain way because its our way of 'not taking myself seriously anymore'.

Sometimes i have thoughts i cant share with anyone and that moment i believe life is to be taken seriously. Its an ocean inside of you, its an entity of its own. If there are things brewing inside me that no one can see, no one comprehends. Things that can break my very hold on things then its a serious matter. But who do you run to if you cant verbalize your own fears and insecurities, what if you realize one day that your still a little child and that life was going so fast that you kept going along without stopping for a moment. I sometimes sit by myself and get affected by the intensity of questioning going on in my mind and then push it all away momentarily. So easy to do you might think, and it really is, at least for that moment. Eventually it follows you till you address it. Sometimes you just have nothing to say to it. Nothing to soothe the mad questions, no consolation, no solution. Such a difficult time, faced with two choices - leave it or take it. And you cant make that choice because it is the hardest, sacrifices will be made either way and those are daunting. Why does it have to get complicated, when did life get so entangled with hysteria. Why cant it be simple?

I could go on and on but i don't want to think about this any longer. Maybe one day this will get clear too, just the way life fixes things that you once thought were deemed unresolvable. Though don't you ever wonder what happened to those situations, where have they gone? Once larger than life itself where do they reside now? How did we suddenly come to terms with it? Are we living our lives differently without realizing that it could be a sacrifice to resolve something that was once a nightmare to us. Are we what we are today thanks to those hell raising moments. Is life just one big learning experience or a piece of crap time pass movie for some larger form that watches us in glee. Then again i tell myself don't take life so seriously and that is what i will do, i will not bother. Life is one of the most confusing experiences ever.