Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Daydream, Distant, Drifting, Lovely, Hazy, Horrid, Desperate..Day

Press Play while you read, repeat if it finishes while your reading :)



Sundays.

Truly slow, truly distant, truly subliminal and all the other features mentioned in my title are apt enough to explain Sunday for me and maybe you as well. I could add a few more qualities in there and every Sunday i can accumulate some new ones. Sunday, the most mixed day, bittersweet...Some just sit around and wait for Monday. Some spend their entire day wondering what Monday will bring, how yellow will turn to blue. Some say screw etymology, its a day that genuinely makes you feel free, let yourself go. I remember how a couple months ago i'd consider saturday night to be the pre-dreamy day party, i'd painstakingly ensure that I let my imagination run wild and oh the pastures i saw. I kinda miss it now, sad.

The slowness of day...dim lights, curtains drawn...zero 7 and theivery corporation pushing me to a blissful swoon. Reaching out for my coffee mug and slowly slipping into this fervid yet painful paradise beyond any human's range. On some days Sade & Norah Jones would take over and help me transport myself to dimensions i longed to understand, feelings I was desperate to comprehend. Those moments as daunting as they may be just pass you by and your left with a memory of how it affected you and thats it, thats it! No fair! TAKE ME BACK, i say TAKE ME BACK NOW! I want to feel that sort of delirium, that sort of unbridled hysteria my desperation would embody.

I say desperation in so many different forms, so much was needed then. I used to lie on my bed and daydream of love long lost and the songs i'd play would become art. I'd see myself through them, i wished so bad to go away, maybe fly away into wherever the song goes when it ends.

Outside i'd imagine a clear day, completely unobtrusive, telling me to join him in his reality, in everyone's reality, its all plain to see really. But I insisted to myself to reside in my very own world where clear days were a seldom blessing and extremely fair-weather. I'd still grapple on some form of reality and maybe include some fantasy in it by imagining i could fly home to V. But V's home is not my home anymore and the feeble vulnerability of human need doesnt understand facts, it doesnt rationalize. Today i find it so captivating because i dont feel this way anymore yet Sunday still remains the day where i let my mind go off. Sunday, actually everyday was an exclusive day for my mind to completely wander (this wonderful madness only happens on sundays now :). The rest of the days were meant for the world to assume I fit their bill, I figure as NORMAL hence I'm allowed to play with all the others in this twisted playground - Life. Damn, it was hard then to associate myself with others, i felt i had eluded mankind in its entirety...I was this strange alien dropped off to co-exist among these so very strange things called human beings. I used to long to go back home, hide and look through crevices at strange humans and wonder why they are the way they are. And why did V become a human ultimately, i thought we were different, i thought we didnt conform. Norah Jones would sing 'I Dont Know Why I Didnt Come' and truly id feel it right through my skin.

When I saw the break of day I wished that I could fly away
Instead of kneeling in the sand
Catching teardrops in my hand
My heart is drenched in wine
But you'll be on my mind Forever

Out across the endless sea
I would die in ecstasy
But I'll be a bag of bones
Driving down the road along

This would essentially sum up how i felt for most of the day. Dreams would stream in, uninvited, only to create further resentment. Sometimes with the help of friends resentment would disguise itself into this treacherous elation. It would be this mixed concoction, the day was like a sordid yet pleasing drug. Strange, no? I would think yes today. But its a sweet memory now, how funny are emotions. One day you could be on the verge of losing faith entirely and the very next day your somebody new.

Well anyhow despite everything, sundays these days are lazy..absolutely sinfully lethargic, enough to embarass a cat. Music still takes me through varying journeys, i love each one and wait for the next with much excitement. The curtains are still drawn, the lights dim as usual and maybe a friend is found lounging on my bean bags and Sade is singing 'You Give Me The Kiss Of Life' and she can croon the entire day and I'm somewhere in this fantastic ethereal reverie.

V still creeps into my daydreams but I understand daydreams better now, I understand the need in me to recreate, fantasize, visualize and then drown in it. Leave the world behind, let your imagination run away, lose yourself to a boundless, limitless joyride. Its SUNDAY!! :)

Meanwhile listen to Sade, Sweetback, Sia & Zero 7
Revel!!!

This song below used to be my theme in june 2008, that was a particularly heartbreaking month and this song was like a friend who understood, who would relate to me.

3 comments:

Small Miracle said...

Ahhh...the daydreams of the youth. The one day you wake up...and lo and behold you are a grown up ; )

The beauty is to keep on dreamin and not let life change you. The is the quest for you my dear!

I Wear It Like A Tattoo said...

Yep still dreaming :)
Just not resentfully dreaming anymore..happy dreaming..greener pastures dreaming :)

No more tragic dreaming lol

Thank u fr the comment..NETWORKING is killer..its an urban vault of masterful bitchiness

Oddball said...

hawww!!!
u delted!
*cries